The mingle mate marry Podcast

Seasons in Marriage

The Benefits of being married for a long time!

 
The ones who could best predict which couples were most likely to divorce were the pastoral counselors, the long-married people and those who had divorced. 
*Marriage therapists, counselors and marriage researchers did the worst. I think they are overly attuned to marital problems. They tend to think everyone is unhappy. 
***With the benefit of experience and having seen many marriages both good and bad, older spouses were quite good at this task.
 
The emotional story for long-tern marriages is really quite positive. People who get through the first 15 years of marriage learn to value each other. 
 
 - They don’t have a lot of contempt for one another.  - They accept each other. 
 - They take pride in one another’s accomplishments. 
 - There’s this genuine respect for one another. 
 - They are no longer engaged in futile attempts to change one another.
 -  You increase in patience for each other
 - You understand each other better and better
 -  You go beyond lovers and partners to best friends
 - You learn to share more tasks in marriage
 - Greater and greater boundaries emerge 
 -  Those whose lives are most difficult benefit most from a long term marriage
(you handle stress and problems better than others) 
 
the married women also had lower risk of cardiovascular disease, less depression and loneliness, 
were happier and more optimistic, and had a greater sense of purpose and hope.
 
More long term marital relationships… what many people come to realize is that when you divorce you no longer have the same couple relationships that you had with your spouse. 

When a spouse is condescending!

8-2-23
Intro: Mom and her injury… how a spouse takes care of you. 
 
P. 1a
The new movie Openhimer with Matt Damon, Robert Downey Jr and others…
Matt talked exclusively about talking through issues in marriage counseling about taking time off and making movies etc… and how his wife has really helped him in tough times in acting through out their 20 year relationship. 
 
 
P. 1b
What are careers that do better or actually need healthy relationships in order for the business to function properly and be successful.
I will give you the opposite example… a movie star hollywood elite… they can go through 20 relationships and really never have it affect their career success. 
Here is my short list of careers that need healthy relationships. 
Farmers
Pastors or anyone in ministry
Therapists or counselors
Offshore or traveling careers (crabbers, salesmen etc..) 
 
 
P.2
What to do when a partner is condescending:
Therapists say condescending behavior can take many forms, ranging from subtle to outright rude. Examples include belittling comments, patronizing questions, frequent interruptions, eye-rolling, sarcasm and mean jokes.
"It's more common than people think," Sara Nasserzadeh, a social psychologist specializing in sexuality, relationships and intercultural fluency, says of condescending behavior, adding that, cumulatively, these actions can take a vast toll on a relationship. "It's like a little chip away from the trust and respect that you have for your partner.”
 
wreak havoc on the recipient's mental health
Eats away at self esteem
confidence
ability to make healthy choices
 
CUES;
What they say
How they say it
How they act around you
How they act around you with others
How do they make me feel and do they care
How often do they do this
 
What to do:
Confess to your partner how you feel
Seek counseling
Take note of wether or not they have listened or are changing. 
Stay soft, pray, 
Choose a time to leave if you are not married.

The Benefit of Humor in Relationships

MMM podcast
7-24-23
 
The David Alliance podcast I just started a 7 part series on the 5 things a Godly wife does for her husband…Plus what a husband does to promote that in her wife. 
 
Emails… 
How fast do you cut bait and run???
 
Youtube comments 
 
After 40 we laugh only 4 times a day… and at best it is a chuckle… In our marriage we use 2 of those chuckles. The average 4 year old laughs 300 times a day. 
 
LAUGHTER LIGHTENS THE MOOD.
LAUGHTER REDUCES STRESS.
LAUGHTER HELPS YOU RECONNECT TO FUN AND PLAY.
Laughter is sexy and attractive
 
How to laugh more in marriage
Don’t take yourself so seriously
Know your patterns humor
Self deprecate 
Change your environment Movie, comedy club, friends
Look for the funny around you
Try some joke telling

Childhood wounds

Intro: How was your 4th?
What did you learn about yourself being with your grandkids?
 
Topic 1
Trust and commitment are the two foundational pillars of any relationship.
How do you celebrate Trust and commitment in your marriage/relationship?
 
 
Topic 2
How to identify childhood wounds?
How to deal with them?
 
To give you a better idea about what constitutes trauma, here are some of the more common events:
Childhood sexual or physical abuse
Witnessing domestic violence
Bullying
Community or school violence
Natural disasters
Loss of a loved one
Neglect
Serious illness or accident
 
That said, some of the signs of PTSD include:
Reliving the event (flashbacks or nightmares)
Avoidance
Anxiety 
Depression
Anger
Problems with trust
Self-destructive or risky behaviors
Withdrawal
If any of these apply to you as an adult for no reason that you can think of, there is some cause for concern as you may be dealing with unresolved PTSD from your childhood.
 
Attachment and relationships
Another warning flag of childhood trauma that carries over into adulthood are problems forming attachments and relationships. For example, if your childhood trauma was caused by a loved one or caregiver, you may learn to mistrust adults. 
 
Emotional regulation and responses
Another side effect of childhood trauma may be problems regulating your emotions. There are many ways in which this problem can manifest itself, including:
Uncontrollable anger
Anxiety
Depression
An inability to express your emotions
Withdrawal
Again, these are just some examples, and you may experience different issues when it comes to regulating your emotional health.
 
Physical health
While childhood trauma can directly affect your mental and emotional health, it can also influence your physical health, For example, studies show that kids who were subjected to abuse were more at risk for serious health issues, including:
Diabetes
Coronary artery disease
Asthma
Stroke
Suicide attempts are also shown to be considerably higher among adults who experienced childhood trauma.

Mingle Mate Marry E304

What is the biggest mistake you made as a parent raising your kids (in the eyes of your spouse)?  How do you handle disagreements raising your kids? What are common areas of disagreement in relationships? What are the voices in your head saying and how do you deal with them? How do you handle the silent treatment... and is it ever a healthy way to deal with conflict. 

Mingle Mate Marry 303

Marriage affirmations, words to empower your life and relationships. Understanding your husbands needs for sexual intimacy. What husbands need, and how wives can intuitively serve their marriage by meeting their husbands sexual needs. 

Mingle Mate Marry 302

What did your parents do to help set you up for success in marriage? Who does goes where for the holidays? Who were the adults in your life growing up and how did they affect you as an adult? What are the differences in communication between spouses or partners. What conversations capture your complete attention? 

MMM Podcast 301 The Benefits of Marriage

What are the benefits of marriage? What can you gain out of relationships? Marriage and life with your partner can be hard, but it also has some great benefits. 

Do we need a counselor?

Cheri and Garth discuss wether you need a counselor in your relationship? What are you willing to do for your spouse? Are you disconnected with your spouse? How do you find a good counselor?